London Calendar Tourism Guide

As much as I enjoy my position as the country’s leading football betting scribe, I occasionally yearn for the more glamorous world of investigative journalism.

When news broke that David Moyes had initiated legal proceedings against Wayne Rooney for alleging that his ex-boss leaked tales of his ‘cash for a rash’ habit; I sensed my opportunity.

To get to the bottom of the story, I knew I had to do everything that young Rooney did, with the exception of the old trout.

After conducting my initial enquiries, I can confirm that there are establishments that offer this kind of tawdry service, and they open on a Friday night, a Saturday morning and a Sunday afternoon. I’m not sure if these places are open in midweek, but my investigation is ongoing.

At this early stage, I wouldn’t  geekowear. like to put money on Moyes being successful in his action, as my overheads have left me virtually potless. I’ll try to recoup a little by backing Rooney’s United to see off the Moyes boys at 8/11.

It may sound ridiculous to claim that Watford have enjoyed their spell in the top flight, but some people welcome a spanking on a weekly basis. The Hornets will be getting tonked at Bramall Lane this week, 4/7 is lying on the table.

Manchester City haven’t scored a Premiership goal in front of their own supporters since New Years Day. Luckily for the Psycho, Aston Villa are the next visitors to Eastlands so Vassell is guaranteed a goal. The Villa are unbeaten in their last six matches; a draw looks the call at 9/4.

Jose Mourinho believes that Manchester United’s opponents are denied penalties as a result of a ‘new rule’. The Special One is completely wrong on this one; that directive was introduced several years ago. I only have one rule this weekend, get on Chelsea at 1/3 to see off Bolton.

If i had to pick Wigan’s most consistent performer, I’d probably plump for the chairman; he’s been consistently wrong in every interview this season. West Ham can drag Wigan into the relegation battle at 12/5.

Charlton have one major advantage over their backdoor threatened rivals, they have the Bent lad up front. The classy hitman can help Charlton leave Ewood Park with a point at 5/2.

I was surprised that the tabloids found it newsworthy to reveal that the royal family are Arsenal fans. I’m pretty sure that Prince Philip supported the Gunners in last season’s Champions League final; I heard he wrote a note saying ‘Get it done in Paris.’ The Queen’s favourite team will put one over her favourite shopkeeper at 4/9.

Stevie Gerrard swapped shirts with Frank Lampard after Liverpool’s first leg defeat in their Champions League semi; he’s always had a soft spot for camping. The Reds will have one eye on the second leg; Portsmouth can land the upset at 11/4.

Reading were absolutely devastated when Newcastle won from behind at St James’ earlier in the season; nobody has regretted losing a lead in such a fashion since Helen Chamberlain’s ex-boyfriend. The Royals can gain revenge at 21/20.

Middlesbrough are having to plan for next season without Mark Viduka. Gareth Southgate is said to be quite disappointed; but it’s Christmas come early for the catering department. Backing the draw between Boro and Spurs at 12/5 will make us all feel that little bit happier.

January – Good time to visit London, not too cold, and not too rainy. Sales are everywhere, and you can see people in shopping frenzy. Also, the concert halls and theatres are back in normal operation after the Christmas rush, which means good ticket availability.

February – Unfriendly time to visit London, not too cold, but days are dull because of low cloud and rain. Aside from low hotel price and the Chinese New Year celebration in Soho, there’s not much good reason to visit the city.

March – A little less like February, unpredictable weather; sunny, rainy and windy days all in the same week. Oxford or Cambridge boat race usually starts at the last weekend of the month. British summer starts by the end of the month.

April – Weather is definitely better than the past couple of months, though there will still be rainy and windy days. Events you should look forward are the London Marathon and Easter.

May – Weather of the city is still unpredictable, and though it’s getting warmer and more sunshine sets in, rain showers let down foolishly. Late May and early June is usually are good days before the monsoons set in. Various festivities are celebrated in the city in May (such as festivals in Hampstead and Greenwich) with Morris-dancing and other festivals, such as the sweeps day in Rochester, Coin Street Festival on South Bank and the highly anticipated Football cup Finals.

June – Mostly a dry and sunny month, though some small storms gets in the city off the Atlantic. Some prominent venues, such as the Barbican, starts the Summer shut-down. Pub-theaters and small venues start their pre-Edinburgh shows of comedy and short plays. Summer exhibition of dreadful painting is available at the Royal Academy, and lots of activities are being held all across the city, such as the one of the four Grand Slam events in tennis – Wimbledon tennis championships, Convent Garden Festival, City of London Festival of theatre and music, and the Derby and Ascot Horseracing.

July – Summer officially starts in London, and it’s warm enough to wear t-shirt in the city. Music is also drying up in preparation for the Proms, and the grand gardening event in Hampton Court flower show.

August – Proms every night, throttling other music venues. Countryside of the city is in bloom. Tourists start to clog the city, causing hotel prices to soar.

September -The best time to visit the city for it’s a warm and dry days. Open House festival at the end of the month and the Mayor’s Thames festival at the middle of the month are the two major festivals in the city you shouldn’t miss. Opera season begins as the Proms ends with a night of music. Another festival you should check is the Seafood festival.

October – Much like September but with shorter days and less activities in the city. Weather starts to be unpredictable again as the Indian summer is working its way. British summer season ends by the late part of the month and cloudy days starts to draw in.

November – Wearing a jacket over your shirt is advised, as the winter rain clouds battle against the fading Indian summer, causing unpredictable weather. Fireworks are set off at Guy Fawkes Night by the 5th.

December – A Laid-back and usually a dry month for London. Shopping frenzy for pre-Christmas is everywhere and pretty lights are all over the streets.


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